My daughter was affectionately running her hand up my arm today. And then she casually mentioned. "Hey Mom, you totally need to shave your arms." After a brief recollection of why hamsters eat their young, I responded.
I was all, "No one does that honey, it's my arms - they are supposed to have hair." She picked at a few strands and twirled them. Then gave me a suspicious look much like she did when I tried to convince her that the Dora the Explorer bathing suit her grandmother sent her for Christmas was an excellent choice for her 10th Birthday Water Park Party. I began to have my doubts. When DID they get so hairy? When did she get old enough to NOTICE? Did social norms change and I not notice? Or have I just been pretty clueless all along?
So I turned to my closest friend, who always has a ready answer. Twitter. "My daughter tells me I need to shave my arms. So women DO that?"
And Twitter responded. Yes. Apparently most women on Twitter shave off ALL HAIR EVERYWHERE CAUSE IT'S DIRTY. (Except the blondes, cause it doesn't really show, which apparently doesn't make it dirty, which is when I realized I knew I hated blondes for more than just stealing every boyfriend I've ever had. EVAR.) Apparently it's a very inherent part of grooming and I've missed it. So, in addition to plucking eyebrows, shaving my legs, paying attention to the errant hairs that seem to pop up here and there along my jaw line, waxing my upper lip, and everything except a strip on my mons veneris (look it up bitches, I shouldn't have to spell it out) I now have a new area to be concerned about. I'm the kind of girl who develops a 5 O'clock shadow on her legs. This constitutes a huge investment of time. The next time a man complains about having to shave the few inches of skin along his face every day, I may just take a straight razor to his gullet.
"THE FUCK? Really?" I says to myself, and briefly consider how realistic it would be to just grab some blue tarp (I'm from Alaska, it's EVERYWHERE) cover it in Veet and just kind of roll around in it to make sure every possible inch of my body was covered in hair remover. While wearing a shower cap of course, cause apparently the only area of my body where I'm Supposed to have long, luxurious hair is my head. (Guess who currently sports a pixie? *sob*)
This seems like way too many chemicals to cover my body with, and I'm terrified of walking into a Spa and telling the Waxing Lady to have at it and have her run screaming from the Building. So Shaving it is. With all the exfoliating, moisturizing, and application of sharp metal near delicate places it involves. I will update you all later. Maybe. If I don't end up cutting myself and bleeding to death in the shower.